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• Letter Necklaces Make Jewelry Personal

  Filed under: Mommy Musts, Shopping, Fashion & Clothing

  
  

  

  Initial and calendar necklaces from dalla nonna personalize your jewelry. Credit: dalla nonna

  
  We know you keep your loved ones close to your heart, but now you can recognize them there for the world to see.
  
  Jewelry line dalla nonna, known for its vintage-inspired calendar necklaces and bracelets that mark an important date with a sapphire, has expanded to offer "the little letters," perfect for recognizing your little loved ones.
  
  Letter pendants come in 14k rose or yellow gold or sterling silver and can be worn alone, paired to create initials or words or layered with a calendar necklace. Dalla nonna means "from the grandmother" in Italian, but we think these necklaces would make a perfect gift for a grandmother.
  
  Prices start at $110, at dallanonnajewelry.com.

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  Fri, 30 Jul 2010, 07:00:00
  
  
• Opinion: Parenting in Public is Perilous Business
  

  They're watching you... Illustration by Christopher Healy

  There's nothing quite like spending 16 days straight with six family members and an additional guest to throw your parenting skills into stark relief.
  
  Turns out, I'm a yeller short on patience who likes to bribe her kids with sugar and gives in to ridiculous demands from those under 4-feet tall in order to SHUT THEM UP ALREADY.
  
  Good times.
  
  Every summer I travel 3,000 miles round-trip with my family in tow from Flyover Country to the Very East Coast to spend time with my siblings, their kids and my mom. It's always great fun -- obviously, because I've made that insane road trip four times now -- but it's also very humbling from a parenting perspective.
  
  Usually, I'm pretty good for about three days: I calmly issue time-outs, I say please and thank you when correcting naughty behavior, I tell my kids they have to sit and stay at the dinner table if they want to eat, thank you very much.
  
  Then things start to devolve. Quickly.
  
  Early wakings and late bedtimes, plus the added stress of being away from our normal daily routine and highly controlled environment conspire to bring out the worst in me. The house we stay in is an elegant one, and there are plenty of ways for small people to get into mischief there. There's little to no baby-proofing, and every corner seems specially designed to create a gaping head wound. I spend every waking moment worried about damage to a person or property.
  
  Plus, my kids are littler than their cousins, and they want to keep up with them. Heck, who am I kidding? I want to keep up with them. I want to go to the boardwalk instead of putting the kids in the bath, I'd rather get ice cream and eat sandwiches at the beach than stay home for nap time.
  
  So I push it. I push it because I live far away from my family of origin and I feel like I have to pack in 12 months' worth of good times into two weeks. I push it because we drove all that way, we are going to have some fun if it kills us.
  
  Then I start to resent it. Then my kids start to unravel -- and then so do I. That's when the yelling starts, and the caving to demands, and the bribes. That's when I say things to my kids that I wish I could take back, and when my kids start to say things like, "Gimme a minute, I'm tired!" when I ask them to do something.
  
  Worse, then I start to feel like I'm parenting under a microscope because my family members are watching from the bleacher seats.
  
  I know in my head that no one is judging me (well, my sister is, maybe a little, and she'd be the first to admit it). My own mom had three kids under 8 by the time she was 28, and I know she understands what it's like to try and maintain order and sanity in an environment that's beyond your control. More than once, she's taken me by the shoulders and looked me in the eye and told me that it will get better.
  
  That doesn't really help when I have a major meltdown over the fact that my 2-year-old won't listen to reason. Did you hear me? I said that I want my 2-year-old to listen to reason.
  
  You get my point.
  
  We're home now, after a harrowing 1,200-mile, two-day ride in our filthy minivan -- and just when did a 1,200-mile road trip become a "vacation," anyway? This year, I brought home more than just the usual seashells and saltwater taffy as souvenirs.
  
  I also took home an image of myself parenting under pressure and in public, and it wasn't exactly postcard quality.
  
  Jo Parente is the ParentDish nom de plume, a pen name, used by our editorial team when we want to spill our dirty little secrets but still keep our dignity, and families, intact.
  

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  Fri, 30 Jul 2010, 06:00:00
  
  
• Reviews: What's New This Week

  Filed under: Media, Toys & Games, That's Entertainment, Fashion & Clothing, Music

  
  Here is a look at what's new this week in family entertainment as adapted from reviews and ratings by Common Sense Media. Click on the links to read the reviews in full.
  
  In Theaters: "Charlie St. Cloud"
  Teen heartthrob Zac Efron stars in "Charlie St. Cloud," the story of a young man overwhelmed with grief after the tragic death of his little brother. Older teens and adults may shed a few tears, but this emotionally charged film is too mature for Efron's younger fans. Rated PG-13, OK for kids 13+
  
  

  

  Amazon.com

  
  DVD: "Repo Men"
  Artificial body parts are available to those who are willing to pay for them in "Repo Man," a futuristic thriller starring Jude Law and Forest Whitaker. Once in charge of repossessing unpaid organs, Law's character becomes a fugitive when he himself becomes delinquent on his payments. It's gory, violent and full of explicit sex scenes and rough language. Rated R, iffy for kids 16-18
  
  TV: "Plain Jane"
  Average girls get glammed up in order to catch a man in "Plain Jane," a new reality series on The CW network. While the stated goal is to make over the women inside and out, most of the work seems to be happening on the outside. Host Louise Roe is likable enough, but it's hard to love a show that literally gives a girl an electric shock for not flirting properly. Rated TV-14, iffy for kids 14-18
  

  

  Amazon.com

  
  Books: "The Necromancer: The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel"
  A fantasy tale set in San Francisco, "The Necromancer: The Secret of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel" is the fourth in the series by author Michael Scott. Peopled by historical figures, immortals and gods, the book is a complicated read that weaves several complex but compelling story lines together. OK for kids 11+
  
  Music: "JONAS L.A."
  The Jonas Brothers may have a new Hollywood address, but they don't stray far from their roots on "JONAS L.A.," the soundtrack from the second season of their Disney Channel television show. While the songs may seem like more of the same -- catchy tunes with squeaky clean lyrics -- this is exactly why kids and their parents love these guys. OK for kids 8+
  
  Web: Cambio
  A joint production of the Jonas Brothers' management company and AOL, "Cambio," is a web broadcasting site featuring videos of today's hottest young celebrities. In addition to sharing candid moments with their favorite stars, visitors can watch an entertainment talk show presented by former MTV host Quddus. OK for kids 11+
  

  

  Amazon.com

  
  Games: "100 Classic Books"
  For Nintendo DS and DSi, "100 Classic Books" is just what it sounds like: A collection of literary masterpieces ranging from "Treasure Island" to "Little Women." A handy quiz helps players choose a book and a user-friendly menu allows for easy navigation through the virtual pages. While some of the books have mature themes, others are geared toward younger readers. NR, OK for kids 12+

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  Fri, 30 Jul 2010, 05:00:00
  
  
• Betsey Johnson Unveils 'Eloise' Suite at the Plaza

  Filed under: Toddlers, Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Teens & Tweens, Fun & Activities, Places To Go

  

  Betsey Johnson designed the marvelous new "Eloise" suite. Credit: The Plaza

  
  The new Eloise suite at The Plaza in New York City? Oh, it's rawther fabulous.
  
  Designed by Betsey Johnson, the 18th floor suite features zebra-print carpet, pink-striped walls and a closet full of poufy skirts and other dress-up clothes. Hanging on the walls are original prints by "Eloise" illustrator Hilary Knight, and the pillow shams and chairs feature Johnson prints.
  
  Oh, and in case you have an urgent room service request, there's a phone in the bathroom.
  
  Johnson says she loves hanging out at The Plaza, so she was thrilled to be asked to design the suite.
  
  "I just kind of live Eloise," Johnson tells ParentDish.
  
  The designer says her granddaugthers Layla, 4, and Ella, 2, are Eloise fans, and they can't wait to stay in the new suite. As for Johnson, she says she loved designing the room and wants to do more home design.
  
  Unlike the end of her runway shows, Johnson tells ParentDish she didn't do her trademark cartwheel when she first saw the completed room, but she celebrated in another way.
  
  "I immediately jumped on the bed!" she says.
  
  Living like Eloise isn't cheap (rates start at $995 per night), but The Plaza's Palm Court cafe is now offering an Eloise Tea with treats including miniature grilled cheese and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, plus cupcakes, cookies and pink lemonade. You also can pick up pink feather boas and our heroine's other favorite things at the new Eloise Shop.
  
  While Johnson was showing off the new Eloise suite, something -- or someone -- was missing. The Plaza's famous eternally-6-year-old resident was nowhere in sight, so we had to go and ask the gentleman at the front desk: "Where is Eloise?"
  
  "Oh, you just missed her," he told us. "She was seen running in the direction of the park."
  
  Related: iPad, Read Me a Story

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  Fri, 30 Jul 2010, 04:29:00
  
  
• Cry, Laugh, Shiver, and Learn: New Picture Books

  Filed under: Toddlers, Preschoolers, Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Fun & Activities, That's Entertainment, Books

  
  Reading a good book can be an emotional experience. Here's a selection of new picture books that can run you through the full gamut.
  
  

  

  Amazon

  
  "City Dog, Country Frog" by Mo Willems, illustrated by Jon J. Muth (Hyperion, $18)
  We all know Mo Willems from his comedic kids' classics like "Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus! " and "Knuffle Bunny: A Cautionary Tale," but never before have we seen him tug those heartstrings the way he does here. This sweet and warm story, told over the course of five seasons, recounts an urban dog's visits to his human family's bucolic vacation house. With no canine companions to be found, the pooch bonds with an affable frog who teaches him the ways of the country. The ending --aided by the wonderfully realistic paintings of Jon J. Muth ("Zen Shorts") -- packs quite an emotional wallop. Adults and kids alike can expect to get weepy.

  

  Amazon

  
  "The Shadow" by Donna Diamond (Candlewick, $16)
  This wordless tale, told through a series of gorgeous paintings, is a masterpiece of suspense and horror. Yes, it's a children's picture book -- but it's also one of the creepiest, most genuinely scary books I've read in a while. It's all about a little girl who is afraid of her shadow, and who eventually overcomes her fear and shows the shadow who's boss. That shadow, depicted in the terrifying way the girl envisions it, is flat-out spooky. Be prepared to hide under the covers with your kids.
  
  

  

  Amazon

  
  "How to Clean Your Room in 10 Easy Steps" by Jennifer LaRue Huget and Edward Koren (Schwartz & Wade, $17)
  The humor is in the details. And boy, does this book pack in the details. As the imaginatively resourceful Ann Erica Kelly instructs you in the simplest and best ways to make your bedroom look spic-and-span, you'll laugh at the specifics of both the text ("Pizza crusts may be munched on if they are less than a month old.") and the illustrations (did she just close a live fish in her closet?). Whether you're a neat freak or a creative cleaner, like Ann Erica Kelly, there are plenty of laughs for you in here.
  
  

  

  Amazon

  
  "How Rocket Learned to Read" by Tad Hills (Schwartz & Wade, $18)
  Tad Hills, creator of the cute Duck & Goose books, gave himself a daunting task: Trying to work an actual academic lesson into a story that's also supposed to entertain. But he pulled it off. This endearing tale has not only enough humor, drama, and adorable characters to pull preschoolers in, but some primer-worthy ABC work as well. Rocket is a fuzzy dog who gets unwillingly roped into reading lessons from an erudite bird. His reluctance leading into eagerness mimics the emotionally journey many kids take while learning to read. With any luck, tots who get this book read to them will then want to take a stab at sounding out the text themselves.
  
  Related: Summer Picture Books You Must Read to Your Kids

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  Fri, 30 Jul 2010, 04:00:00
  
  
• How to Play: Water Toss

  Filed under: Fun & Activities, Kids' Games

  

  Zip it up! Credit: tanakawho, Flickr

  
  What you need: You need resealable plastic bags and buckets of water.
  
  How to play: Dip each bag into a bucket of water to fill it up and then seal it. Make enough bags for each player and to have back-ups. Establish a line, which players can toss the bags across at each other. Divide the children into two teams, and put each team on opposing sides of the line.
  
  The rules: Players will throw the bags at each other. If a player gets hit, she is out of the game. Play continues until only one player remains.
  
  How to win: The last player remaining is the winner.
  
  What else you need to know: Using bags rather than balloons is great for kids with latex allergies.
  
  Related: More Kids' Games

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  Fri, 30 Jul 2010, 12:00:00
  
  
• Crikey! It's the Australian Mutant Ninja Mamas!

  Filed under: Just For Moms, Safety, In The News, Weird But True, Amazing Parents

  

  Fed up with street crime, Australian mothers are taking up jujitsu and getting ready to kick some serious butt. Credit: Getty Images

  
  "M" is for the multiple contusions she gave you.
  
  "U" is for all the food you'll have to gum.
  
  Because "M" is for how she'll mess you up, and all your crying will not save you.
  
  Put them all together, they spell MUM.
  
  OK, so it's not exactly the same ode to motherhood Eddy Arnold sang back in the days of June Cleaver. But they're singing a different tune these days in Australia.
  
  Mothers Down Under are baking brownies, knitting baby booties, kicking butts and taking names.
  
  The Sun Herald in Australia reports mothers in Melbourne have had it up to here with a recent rash of stabbings and bashings. And they're goin' ninja.
  
  Parents -- many of them mothers -- are reportedly flocking to places like the Kevin Hawthorne Ninja School to learn the ancient Japanese martial art of jujitsu and general butt kickery.
  
  They learn how to wield nunchukkas, sais and staffs to use against any would-be mugger, assassin or teenage mutant turtle.
  
  However, there is more to jujitsu that hitting your opponent with a stick or a sword.
  
  "I am a weapon," Annette Christopherson tells the Sun Herald. She's a 4-foot-11, 50-something mom, but she's also a black belt ninja -- who you don't want to meet in a dark alley. "Sadly the world which we live in is not safe. There are gang attacks, blade attacks, attacks on the way to the train. People have the right to feel safe."
  
  Christopherson's 27-year-old daughter, Penny, also takes martial arts classes. A brown belt, she tells the paper the lessons give her the extra confidence she needs to walk the streets.
  
  The keys to being a ninja mama, Christopherson tells the paper, are commitment, talent, balance, timing and psychology.
  
  "Any age group can learn," she adds. "Sometimes it can simply be a little pinch and knowing how much skin to take. If you remain calm you can assess the situation. It also prevents the foe from feeding off your fear."
  
  Batman would be proud of this woman.
  
  "You use your peripheral vision, which is where our camouflage and stealth work come in," she tells the paper. "Wait it out, and you can calmly take each attacker on at any situation or time."
  
  The important thing, she adds, is to keep it simple.
  
  "You don't need to do fancy complicated moves, one step, two step, because by the time you get to step two, you're gone," Christopherson tells the paper.
  
  Related: Mother Sentenced for Attacking Sex Offender

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  Thu, 29 Jul 2010, 09:00:00
  
  
• Liev Schreiber Saving the Planet, One Hand-Me-Down at a Time

  Filed under: Toddlers, Celeb Parenting, In The News, Weird But True, Environment, That's Entertainment, Amazing Parents, Fashion & Clothing

  
  

  

  Liev Schrieber makes his kid wear hand-me-downs? Stars really are just like us! Credit: IGNAT / Bauer-Griffin

  
  Nobody said saving the planet was easy, but actors Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts know certain sacrifices must be made.
  
  Rather than buying new clothes, they sometimes have their 19-month-old son wear things previously worn by their 2-year-old.
  
  CBS News is not making this stuff up. "Kai wears Sasha's clothes," Schreiber tells the network point blank.
  
  There will be a slight pause now so you can all catch your breaths.
  
  CBS News reports Schreiber made this revelation while taking part in "The Darker Side of Green," a debate on climate change issues, held July 27 in New York City.
  
  Of course, the use of these "hand-me-downs" has long been something of a quaint folk art among people without film careers. However, it is now sufficiently revolutionary to mention as an "Earth-smart parent tactic" in public debates on protecting the environment.
  
  By the way, the Wall Street Journal chimed in on the story, adding that Schreiber also reduces his carbon footprint by riding a scooter from time to time.
  
  Schrieber is the actor who transported Hugh Jackman through time in "Kate and Leopold" only to try to vivisect him eight years later in "X-Men Origins: Wolverine." Watts is perhaps best known for being the "King Kong" actress who is not Fay Wray or Jessica Lange.
  
  The debate on global warming was one of a series of such forums sponsored by the automobile manufacturer Lexus -- bringing together people like Sarah Silverman, Tracy Morgan and Demi Moore's daughter Rumer Willis to address threats to the environment.
  
  Related: Easy Ways to Bring New Style to Old Hand-Me-Downs

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  Thu, 29 Jul 2010, 08:00:00
  
  
• Front Seat Storage Bag Yields Safer Car Trips

  Filed under: Babies, Toddlers, Preschoolers, Kids 5-7, Safety, Baby Essentials, Shopping

  

  Park it up front for a safer ride. Credit: The Silly Wagon

  
  The Wisey Car Bag helps minimize distractions while driving alone with the kids, so you can keep your eyes on the road, where they belong.
  
  Designed to hang on the front passenger seat, this innovative bag keeps all your little one's essentials within easy reach, with lots of pockets for holding bottles, diapers, pacifier, books, toys, snacks and more. It even has a special holder for your water bottle and a removable pouch that dispenses wipes.
  
  It folds up or moves aside easily to make room for a passenger, and can be turned around when your child is old enough to grab their own stuff.
  
  Available at The Silly Wagon for $29.66.

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  Thu, 29 Jul 2010, 07:00:00
  
  
• Mom Imagines Baby's Dream World in Mila's Daydreams Blog

  Filed under: Babies

  
  What new parents haven't wondered what their precious little bundle was dreaming about when in the kind of deep slumber only a baby can sleep?
  
  The seriously creative Adele Enerson, an advertising copywriter and concept designer, decided to create imagined scenes of her daughter Mila's dreams, which she conceptualizes and photographs during Mila's naps and posts on her blog, Mila's Daydreams. Adele, we know you probably need a nap, too, but keep the adorable photos coming!
  

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  http://www.aolcdn.com/ke/media_gallery/v1/ke_media_gallery_wrapper.swf

  Mila's Daydreams

  Click through to check out Mila's Daydreams as photographed by Adele Enersen!

  Adele Enersen

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  ALL CAPTIONS MUST LINK BACK TO THE MILAS DAYDREAMS BLOG (http://milasdaydreams.blogspot.com/)

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  Thu, 29 Jul 2010, 05:50:00
  
  

• Should I Choose a Name My Husband Hates?

  Filed under: Baby Names

  
  I have loved the name Sloan since I heard it about three years ago and immediately knew that's what I would name my daughter. My husband has never liked the name. We have disagreed on it since. He has recently told me that if it is that important to me, he was fine with it. Is it really OK?
  
  - Sloan Dreamer
  
  Oh, what a happy problem! I know it doesn't look that way from where you sit, agonizing over a name that has held a special place in your heart for years. But trust me, this is the best kind of naming conflict you can have.
  
  The baby-naming process is a snapshot of how a couple makes decisions. My inbox overflows with sad examples of how badly it can go. I hear from many parents who were bullied or tricked into the name of their partner's choice, or whose partners refuse to participate in the naming process at all except to reject every suggestion they offer.
  
  Not you guys. Just think about it: Your husband is prepared to sacrifice his own desires to make you happy, and you're worried about taking advantage of him. That's good stuff, believe me.
  
  If the name Sloan is truly important to you, you can go ahead and accept your husband's generosity. Make sure to show your appreciation, though, and to tell him how much this sacrifice means to you. Let him remember this name choice as a special gift to his wife, not just a surrender.
  
  But if you can bear to let go of Sloan, so much the better. The only thing more precious than having a husband who loves you enough to let you choose a baby name he can't stand is loving him enough to not choose it.
  
  How do you handle naming disagreements? Share your experiences here. And if you have your own question to Ask the Name Lady, drop her a line!
  
  Related: Welcome Tenley, Harper, Castiel and Bentley: The Hottest Baby Names of 2010

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  Thu, 29 Jul 2010, 04:00:00
  
  
• Mom With Liver Transplant To Defend Her Medal in U.S. Games

  Filed under: Toddlers, Medical Conditions

  

  Lauren Donkar, right, with her daughter Allie and her husband Nick. Courtesy of the National Kidney Foundation

  When 32-year-old Lauren Donkar of Atlanta, Georgia, hears other women telling their childbirth war stories, she's careful to stay out of the conversation. No one can top hers, but she's not looking for sympathy.
  
  When Lauren delivered her daughter Allie, now nearly 4, she began violently coughing up blood only 12 hours after laying eyes on her beautiful firstborn's perfect little toes. Four weeks later, she awoke from a coma to learn that she had undergone not one, but two liver transplants.
  
  Due to a complication from pre-eclampsia, Donkar's liver failed and the situation was so desperate, they transplanted a liver from a donor with the wrong blood type. That one lasted two weeks until a compatible match was found -- a liver that's been standing the test of time, so far.
  
  Donkar recognizes that she experienced a complete medical miracle due to someone else's sacrifice, but in her opinion, having a transplant "doesn't make you special ... it's how you cope with the challenges that are thrown your way that counts and what you do with the second chance at life you've been granted."
  
  This summer, Donkar's truly planning to make the most of her donor's gift as she competes in tennis at the 2010 National Kidney Foundation U.S. Transplant Games, an Olympic-style event for transplant recipients who show the world that transplants work as they compete in 12 different sports and celebrate the gift of life together. She'll be defending the silver medal she won at the event in 2008, when her transplant coordinator had to convince her to participate. "Once I got there, I was sold immediately. It was great to be part of a community of people who shared the same experience. I loved hearing all my teammates cheer me on as I competed."
  
  Her next adventure will be baby no. 2, although Donkar wouldn't dream of getting pregnant again. This time, she and her husband, Nick, will experience parenthood through IVF and a surrogate. They will welcome the newest member of their family this November.
  
  Now back to work part time as a pediatric nurse practitioner, playing tennis regularly as she trains for the Transplant Games and running after Allie, who miraculously came through her mom's rocky birth experience just fine, Donkar is certainly making the most of her second chance every single day.
  
  You can follow Lauren's tennis results, along with all other transplant recipient athletes, this week on the National Kidney Foundation's U.S. Transplant Games website.
  
  Related: Woman Having Babies from 2 Separate Wombs

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  Thu, 29 Jul 2010, 03:30:00
  
  
• Watermelon Baby Video is a Slice of Juicy Fun

  Filed under: Babies, Funny Stuff

  
  
  
  We've eaten our way through a bag of Ruffles on more than one occasion. A pint of Ben & Jerry's? Please. That's child's play. But gnawing through an entire watermelon? Well, that's new.
  
  We couldn't help but laugh -- and acquire a major hankering for a juicy slice of fruit -- at this baby who appears to have been dropped into a scooped-out melon. And notice how the child's just pleased as watermelon punch, chewing away with abandon.
  
  We're assuming the melon was seedless and, while we give this kid's parents credit for braving a potentially messy experiment on their unprotected furniture, we have two words for those of you who want to try this at home: drop cloth.
  
  Related: Affirmation Girl Has a Past

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  Thu, 29 Jul 2010, 01:45:00
  
  
• How to Play: Cup Stack Relay Knock Down

  Filed under: Fun & Activities, Kids' Games

  

  Stack 'em up! Credit: John Loo, Flickr

  
  What you need: For each team, you need eight to 10 plastic cups and paper plates and a ball (a standard kick ball, soccer ball or volleyball).
  
  How to play: Divide the players into teams of eight to 10 players. Line them up facing away from the middle of a circle. Inside the circle will be each team's pile of cups and plates to stack. Each team is given one ball.
  
  The rules: At the starting signal, the first player on each team will run to his pile of cups and plates and begin to stack them, alternating them with the cups face down. He will then run back to his team and tag the next player who will unstack the cups and plates and restack them. Each team has the option of using its ball to knock down another team's stack of cups and plates. If a team's cups and plates get knocked down, the player who stacked them must go back into the circle and redo them.
  
  How to win: The first team to have all of its players stack the cups and plates is the winning team.
  
  What else you need to know: The strategy in this game becomes, do you knock down someone else's cups and plates or do you focus on your team's progress and play it safe.
  
  Related: More Kids' Games
  

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  Thu, 29 Jul 2010, 12:00:00
  
  
• Fight Childhood Obesity ... With Pole Dancing

  Filed under: Kids 8-11, Teens & Tweens, Weird But True, Sex

  

  Students perform a routine at a pole-dancing school in Colombia. Credit: Raul Arboleda, AFP / Getty Images

  Hey, kids! Are you looking for a way to stay in shape and to prepare for a future career? Try a pole-dancing class designed just for you and your little friends.
  
  Scotland's Up Yer Pole (no, really), "an established pole-dancing school since 2002," announced it will soon be offering classes for kids ages 9 to 16. For about $8 per 60-minute class, kids can take a class that focuses on "strength, balance, flexibility and gymnastic based moves in a safe and fun environment," according to its website.
  
  Also, Up Yer Pole wants you to know that it is a serious school.
  
  "This is not just wiggling around a pole, this is fitness & specifically body conditioning & strength training," the website states.
  
  And there's even more good news, parents. Kids can leave their bikinis and Lucite platform heels at home, since sneakers are perfectly acceptable, which really makes all the difference when you're drawing the line between adult behavior and children's behavior.
  
  Related: Is This 'Single Ladies' Video Too Hot for Tots?

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  Wed, 28 Jul 2010, 11:14:00
  
  
• Survey Shows Positive Signs for the Economy as Back-to-School Shopping Begins

  Filed under: Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Teens & Tweens, Money & Work, In The News, Education, Gadgets & Tech, Resources, Shopping, Fashion & Clothing

  

  Parents doing back-to-school shopping are showing stores the money. Credit: Steven Senne, AP

  In what might be a positive sign for the economy, parents in a national survey say they plan to spend more this year on back-to-school clothing and supplies.
  
  Another sign of the times: They plan to shop for bargains through Facebook and Twitter rather than cutting coupons.
  
  The survey, conducted by researchers for Deloitte, a New York-based consulting and financial advisory firm, found that three out of every 10 parents surveyed (or 28 percent) said they would spend more money on back-to-school stuff this year than last year. That's good news for America's retailers.
  
  Back-to-school ranks second only to Christmas as the most lucrative shopping season of the year. In recent years, retailers have been hit hard by the recession.
  
  A total of 58 percent of those surveyed said they will restrict their buying to sale items and bare essentials, but that's down from 90 percent in 2008 and 70 percent in 2009. This year, only 17 percent of those surveyed said they plan to cut back on back-to-school shopping.
  
  "The survey indicates that consumers' recession-induced behaviors are beginning to wane as households seek to replenish certain items and worry less about the economy," Alison Paul, Deloitte's retail sector leader in the United States and vice chairman, says in a press statement.
  
  "Retailers may be encouraged that fewer consumers are planning to pare back this year, although they may find that shoppers continue to be deliberate in their purchases," she adds. "Retailers should be laser-focused on giving shoppers a reason to put back-to-school dollars into their stores."
  
  Back-to-school spending might be increasing because kids' needs are getting more expensive.
  
  Thirty-four percent of parents surveyed said they are spending more because their kids need big-ticket items such as computers. And 26 percent said they need to spend more because schools are spending less.
  
  Parents say they feel responsible for compensating for school budget cuts.
  
  For many parents, that means turning to social media outlets such as Twitter and Facebook in search of bargains. Nearly two-thirds (64 percent) of those surveyed said they would use such online resources to pinpoint sales, promotions and other cost-saving opportunities.
  
  "Consumers are increasingly on the phone, online and on the go," Paul says in the statement. "Retailers' ability to influence purchase decisions beyond in-store interactions is growing significantly. Companies that can directly engage the consumer through mobile applications, text alerts and video content may win an increased share of shoppers' back-to-school budgets."
  
  Deloitte reports that the survey was conducted between July 9 and 11, and has a margin of error of plus or minus three percentage points.
  
  Related: Back-to-School Shopping Tabs Near $500, Even in a Recession

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  Wed, 28 Jul 2010, 08:58:00
  
  
• Report Offers Good News, Bad News on Health and Welfare of Nation's Children

  Filed under: Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Teens & Tweens, Safety, In The News, Education

  

  More kids are staying in school, according to the report. Credit: Getty Images

  Fewer kids are dying, but more of them are living in poverty.
  
  That's part of the good news and bad news coming out of the Annie E. Casey Foundation, as it released its annual KIDS COUNT Data Book July 27.
  
  First, the bad news: Researchers for the foundation found 18 percent of America's children lived in poverty in 2008. That's at least a million more than in the year 2000, and the number is probably actually higher. In a press statement, foundation officials say upcoming census figures will probably hike the number up to 20 percent.
  
  "We won't be able to assess the full impact of the economic downturn on children and families for a number of years," Laura Beavers, national KIDS COUNT coordinator at the foundation, says in the statement. "The economic data that the Census Bureau will release later this year will give a better picture of family economic well-being in the recession. However, even data from 2008 that was collected before the recession took hold shows economic conditions were worsening for kids."
  
  Now, the good news: Teenagers are staying in school. In 2008, more teens were either in school or had earned a high school diploma (or an equivalent) than their counterparts eight years earlier. These numbers reflected students in all racial and ethnic groups.
  
  The teen birth rate also fell -- from 48 births per 1,000 girls in 2000 to 43 births per 1,000 in 2008. The lowest rate in the 21st century so far was 40 births per 1,000 in 2005.
  
  Taking into account all the factors that affect young people, the best places for kids these days are Oregon, New York, Maryland, North Carolina, Illinois and Wyoming.
  
  Montana, South Dakota, Maine, Alaska and Hawaii ranked at the bottom.
  
  Fact sheets with breakdowns on the data for each of the 50 states are available on the foundation's website.
  
  The Annie E. Casey Foundation is a private charitable organization designed to promote public policies regarding human service reforms that help vulnerable children and families. Its annual data book often is cited by policymakers and advocates on issues affecting kids, families and communities.
  
  "Our KIDS COUNT project has made significant strides in tracking results and compiling data on children and families during the past two decades," Patrick T. McCarthy, the president and CEO of the Casey foundation, says in the press statement. "But the reality is that we can only go so far without needed improvements to our data collection systems. None of us has a good grasp on the conditions facing America's children because state and federal agencies collect data too infrequently, and often do not measure what really matters for kids."
  
  Foundation officials make four recommendations in the report.
  
  1. Expand the National Survey of Children's Health. This survey was conducted in 2007 and is not scheduled again until 2011. As a result, foundation officials say, it's not possible to fully gauge the effects of the economic crisis on children.
  
  2. Change the way we measure poverty. The lack of a modern poverty measure has created a serious gap in the knowledge about how children are faring, officials say.
  
  The current poverty measure is based on spending patterns typical of the 1950s and doesn't capture non-cash benefits such as food stamps and child care.
  
  3. Increase the sample size of the American Community Survey. The survey could be an even more valuable tool to gauge child well-being measures if the sample size were increased to provide more precise data for urban neighborhoods and sparsely populated rural communities, foundation officials say.
  
  4. Keep better vital records. Over the past few years, significant gaps and delays in compiling key data on health have occurred, foundation officials say. This has resulted from years of underinvestment at the National Center for Health Statistics and difficulty implementing recent changes to birth and death certificates.
  
  To correct these lags, the foundation recommends Congress make a one-time appropriation of $30 million to help states transition to the new forms, modernize the Vital Statistics system and then provide additional funds to support this key data stream.
  
  Related: Amazing Kid: Teen Helps Break the Chains of Poverty Through Literacy

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  Wed, 28 Jul 2010, 08:00:00
  
  
• Paper Chains Are a Fun Way to Start a Birthday Countdown

  Filed under: Preschoolers, Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Birthdays, Shopping

  

  5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1... Birthday! Credit: Big Day Chains

  
  Big Day Chains puts a new spin on an old tradition with its 30-day countdown chains for birthdays, weddings and baby's arrival.
  
  The Days 'til Birthday kit is a great way to help little ones manage the seemingly endless wait until their big day, and definitely provides more fun than crossing off days on the kitchen calendar. Each kit comes with 30 perforated paper links that feature colorful printed designs on one side, and outlined birthday shapes to color in on the other. It also includes non-toxic glue dots for easy, mess-free assembly.
  
  Rebels that we are, we love the idea of letting the kids count up, not down, coloring and adding a link to the chain each day so it can be used as a birthday decoration when it's done.
  
  Available at Big Day Chains for $14.95.
  
  Related: Summer Birthday Parties: 5 Fun Ideas

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  Wed, 28 Jul 2010, 07:00:00
  
  
• U.S. Kids, Parents More Likely to Have Conflict Than Europeans

  Filed under: In The News

  
  

  

  Having trouble getting up the stairs? Sorry, your grown kids don't want to help. Credit: Ctd 2005, Flickr

  
  Not getting along with your parents lately? Blame the American health care system.
  
  So says a new study by LiveScience, which found parents in the United States are more likely than their European counterparts to have conflict with their adult kids. The study cites the fact that American children are often responsible for caring for their elderly, infirm parents due to the state of health insurance in this country.
  
  In fact, infirmity appears to be a key factor when it comes to the health of relationships between parents and their adult kids.
  
  "Parents in poorer functional health tended more to have detached and disharmonious relationships with their children, and those who received help from children tended more to have ambivalent relationships with them," Merril Silverstein, study researcher and professor of gerontology and sociology at the University of Southern California, tells LiveScience. "Together, the finding suggests that frailty and dependence on children introduce elements of friction and strain into intergenerational relationships."
  He adds that parents who receive care and help from their kids tend to have more "ambivalent" relationships with them.
  
  Not all parent-child relationships are fraught, however. The study found that the majority of respondents in countries surveyed said they had affectionate relationships with Mom and Dad. England has the most positive parent-child bonds, with 75 percent of parents reporting strong ties with their adult offspring, with Spain, Germany and the United States as runner-ups at 63, 49 and 51 percent, respectively.
  
  Why are the Brits so happy? Researchers speculate the cultural attitude of emotional restraint contributes to the high score. And don't be fooled by Germany's number, either: The study also found that while negative feelings toward their kids were lacking, so were positive ones, indicating a a level of overall detachment.
  
  Related: Children Raised By Relatives Suffer Health Risks

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  Wed, 28 Jul 2010, 06:00:00
  
  
• The Ultimate What-to-Take-to-College Checklist

  Filed under: Teens & Tweens, Education, Gadgets & Tech, Shopping, Books

  

  Sure, his dorm room looked great when you dropped him off. Credit: Getty Images

  Leaving the nest can be traumatic for any baby bird -- even one who's 18 years old. Yet, in just a few short weeks, millions of teens will be heading off to college for the very first time, trying their wings to see if they can fly solo.
  
  But fear not, because we've got a secret weapon that can help you turn overwhelmed into overjoyed: the ultimate what-to-take-to-college checklist, put together with a little help from the experts at Bed Bath & Beyond and The Container Store.
  
  Though there's tons of stuff on the list, the great news is that if you shop at a chain store, you will likely be able to pick up the packages at a store near the college, instead of stuffing your car to the brim. (We had a seamless experience with Bed Bath & Beyond's Pack & Hold service when our college kid headed off last fall.)
  
  So, here's our list of college life essentials from alarm clocks to XL sheets:
  
  Bed
  Freshman dorm rooms are traditionally the most space-challenged on campus, where a bed often does triple duty for sleeping, entertaining and studying (we hope!), so it's a good place to splurge.
  
  

  • Bed bug mattress protector: We don't want to freak you out, but you really don't know where that mattress has been, so better to be safe and guard against nasty bed bugs.
  • Mattress topper: A topper helps comfy up and smooth out coil-laden dorm room mattresses. Available in feather, fiber or foam; whichever fill you choose, be sure not to skimp on thickness.
  • Mattress pad: Helps keep the topper clean. Some toppers have pads built in, so you may be able to save a little by buying an all-in-one.
  • Bedding: This is the fun part! Let them choose designs they love, and make sure they have at least three sets of sheets so one is sure to be clean at all times. If they're heading to a warmer or colder climate, keep that in mind when choosing a blanket, and don't forget protective pillow covers. Dorms typically have twin extra-long (XL) mattresses, so be sure they check what's standard at their school before you buy.

  Storage
  Dorm room space is at a premium, so clever organization is key. When it comes to storage, the experts at Bed Bath & Beyond experts advise to stack it, stow it, hang it or hide it.
  
  

  • Stow it: Use colorful storage boxes on top of shelves to help keep things neat and tidy, while adding a dash of color and pattern to their space.
  • Stow It: Look for clever pieces that multitask, such as a storage ottoman that provides seating and storage space, with a top that can even double as a lap desk.
  • Hang It: Make the most of their closet space with a double hang closet rod that instantly doubles their hanging space, and maximize every inch with extra thin clothes hangers. For girls, a hanging shoe bag is essential, as they will likely bring all of their shoes; no, we're not kidding.
  • Hide It: Many dorms are equipped with high rise beds that afford extra storage space underneath, but if theirs doesn't, a set of inexpensive bed lifts works. Underbed storage containers are great for stowing seasonal clothes and shoes, even extra toiletries and school supplies.

  Bath & Personal Care
  Whether your kid is lucky enough to score a suite with a bathroom, or destined to frequent the hallway facilities, she'll be sharing a bathroom.

  • Shower tote: A sturdy, portable carry-all big enough to stow all their bathroom essentials and light enough to tote back and forth several times a day.
  • Towels: At least three of each -- bath sheets, hand towels and washcloths (if they use one) in their favorite colors or patterns.
  • Toiletries: It's great to start with at least two of everything, and then let them replenish as needed. This includes shampoo, conditioner, razor, shaving cream, toothbrush and toothpaste, soap or body wash, cotton swabs, bandages and anything else that's crucial to their grooming routine.
  • Medications: Make sure they understand what medications they need to be taking, what to do if they miss a dose (which is likely, at least at first) and how to get refills.
  • Sewing kit: At some point in time, they'll thank you for it, trust us.

  Décor and Room Necessities
  There are many quick, easy, inexpensive ways to dress up a room and make it feel like home. Colleges typically don't allow anything to be nailed into the wall, so be sure pick up a range of adhesive hooks that can be easily removed when they move out of the room.
  
  

  • Posters
  • Photos: Supply the photo paper and let them print out their own photos of family and friends -- the montage is sure to grow throughout the year.
  • White board/bulletin board
  • Wall decals
  • Desk lamp
  • Mirror
  • Hamper
  • Waste basket
  • Alarm clock: Yes, they will actually master getting themselves out of bed on time, even though you're not there to badger them in the morning.
  • Power strips/extension cords
  • Dishes and silverware: Inexpensive, durable, easily-replaceable bowls, plates, glasses and silverware for in-room quick meals and late-night snacks.

  Bigger Ticket Items
  These are the things that help cozy up their dorm room, and help make it feel more like home. It's a good idea to have them check with their roommate to see if they want to split the cost on some of these items, or divvy up who brings which.
  
  

  • Television, DVD player and DVDs
  • Video game system and games
  • Area rug
  • Vacuum cleaner
  • Printer
  • Fan and/or space heater (if allowed)
  • Mini refrigerator (can be rented at some schools, sometimes with a combo microwave)
  • Microwave (can be rented at some schools, sometimes with a combo mini refrigerator)

  Electronics
  In today's wired world, certain things are absolute essentials for their learning and leisure time.
  
  

  • Ethernet cord and/or wireless router (have them check to see if the school has wireless throughout the campus; if not, make sure wireless routers are permitted in dorm rooms)
  • Laptop with laptop lock to secure to bed or desk
  • Flash drive for portable file storage
  • Cell phone and charger
  • Digital camera
  • iPod and headphones
  • Compact iPod/iPhone speaker system (our college kid insists we tell you to look for one with extra bass)
  • Rechargeable batteries with charger

  School Supplies
  Even though they're in the big leagues now, they'll still love stocking up on the coolest back-to-school supplies.
  
  

  • Pens, notebooks, folders, highlighters, markers, scissors, stapler -- most of the basics are the same, but nothing they used in high school will do.
  • Printer paper
  • Textbooks: Although it's easy to pick up text books at the college bookstore, you can often find great deals on used books online -- Amazon has an entire section devoted to textbooks -- but if you're going to order online, make sure you do it a few weeks before classes begin.

  Cleaning Supplies
  Some colleges provide a cleaning service for dorm rooms and suite bathrooms, so they may not need cleaning supplies. Have them check with their school before you buy the essentials, such as toilet bowl cleaner (Ick, Mom! I have to clean the toilet?!), all-purpose cleaner, broom and dust pan, mop and dish soap to wash cups and other incidentals. If you don't yet use healthy, "greener" cleaning products at home, this is a great time to switch over and set a great example for your soon-to-be-adults.
  
  Documents
  Whether they're in the next town over or across the country, they'll be taking more responsibility for themselves, so it's important they have essential information and documents with them.
  
  

  • Driver's license or state ID
  • Health insurance card
  • Social security card
  • Health records

  Of course, there's probably no end to the list of things your college kid wants, but if you cover most of the things on our list, they should have what they need most. Except for you, of course.
  
  Related: Back-to-School Shopping Tabs Near $500, Even in a Recession

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  Wed, 28 Jul 2010, 04:30:00
  
  

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• Babies — The Movie - A review.

  babble  »  celebrity  »  what's hot now

  Spotlight

  Babies — The Movie A review. By Erika Milvy
  

  Babies is a new documentary that follows four babies from four corners of the world. Like National Geographic wildlife films which track species in their natural habitat, French filmmaker Thomas Balmes’ observational documentary focuses on the lives of four human babies: Ponijao from Namibia, Bayarjargal from Mongolia, Mari from Tokyo, and Hattie from San Francisco.

  And like a well-photographed nature doc with close-ups of stunning gazelles or curious chimpanzees or impossibly adorable lion cubs, visual aesthetics are at the forefront of this movie. On one level, it’s mommy porn. What mom whose last kid is long past babyhood wouldn’t ogle these gorgeously photographed, chubby-cheeked gurglers and giggly wobblers? Not me.

  But there’s another, more anthropological, sociologically significant level to the film. Babies follows the four infants from birth to 18th months. With no narration, it’s organized with “compare and contrast” editing: the babies are babbling/being cleaned/beginning to crawl/bothering cats.

  We observe the universality of babies, the biological consistencies. Some babies might visit the zoo while other babies have goats drinking from their bathwater, but all babies have melt-downs, love being sung to, and (given the chance), torture their cat or dog.

  While Hattie and Mari are being raised in urban, middle-class environments, Bayarjargal is growing up on his family’s small livestock farm on the arid and isolated rural plains of Bayanchandmani, Mongolia. Ponijao is part of the Himba tribe, a group of nomadic, pastoral Namibians in Southern Africa.

  Read a dad's take on Babies: The MovieIn contrast to films in the Up Series (which tracked young kids over years to find out who they grew up to be), Babies is a one-time gig. We won’t find out what type of people they will become, but we do see that their behaviors are surprisingly similar, considering how varied their environments are.

  I tried not to bring my own cultural biases to the movie, yet I spent a lot of time worrying about Ponijao and Bayarjargal. Bayarjargal sleeps while there’s a rooster rustling on top of him — what if he gets pecked? Bayarjargal climbs on a rusty can and a bunch of cows get too close — where’s his mom? Ponijao’s mom shaves his head with a knife — eeks! — and he spends a lot of time watching flies. I hope he’s happy!

  But more often, I felt embarrassed by the over-attentive precious parenting of the San Francisco couple: the mommy–baby yoga, the sing-alongs. In one scene, Hattie’s daddy peels banana strings for her, while Ponijao and his eight siblings feed themselves from a bowl of what looks like wet flour. In another scene, Hattie’s mom shows her the No Hitting lift-the-flap book, while Bayarjargal’s mother is milking cows and tending goats while the baby’s older brother whacks him with great gusto.

  Though these isolated examples might suggest the contrary, Thomas Balmes’ film doesn't have an overt agenda. With virtually no dialogue, no subtitles, and very little attention to the parents, the film’s most pronounced emphasis is on its striking cinematic compositions. With a good deal of restraint and, thankfully, little sentimentality, Babies is an unusually still and quiet film. But maybe a little too quiet? Without the developmental bend of films like Seven Up! or the socio-political perspective of films like The Business of Being Born, Babies is missing not only a strong narrative, but a point of view, a perspective. Cooing and gurgling are cute, but a distinct voice might have lifted this film just a tad above the nature documentary genre.

  Find More 10 Kids Movies That Were Better Than The Book 7 Loveable Film Fathers 26 Most Disturbing Kids Movies Ever Best Family Movies For a Night In

  tweetmeme_service_api = '87f448bae8d744f4fdac19c6693805e8';

  
  

  ©2010 Babble

  
  
• Not the Birth I Planned (and I Loved It!) - 5 moms' stories.

  Feature

  Not the Birth I Planned (and I Loved It!) 5 moms' stories. by Amy Levin-Epstein
  

  Being pregnant is the longest waiting game of most women's lives. For nine months we plan — a nursery, a name, and, in most cases, the birth. For some of us, that could be as simple as choosing between hospital and home, drugs or natural. For others, a formal birth plan can read like a Hollywood starlet’s requests, from mood lighting and music in the delivery room to what baby and mommy will wear postpartum. But as the women below explain, birth is rarely like you expect it — even if it isn’t your first trip to the maternity ward. Here’s how five moms felt about things not going the way they planned. Their stories (in their words) will amaze you.

  I Planned A Natural ... But I Had to Have My Water Broken and Get Pitocin

  Holly Whitmore, 33, Orange County, California. Daughter, Brett, is 16 months.

  My friends and family would describe me as a very organized person. I live by the rules and have tons of spreadsheets to plan out different aspects of my life (from my wedding to my baby registry). It just fit that I would create an elaborate birth plan. I looked online and created a four-page list. I wanted my husband to cut the umbilical cord and tell me the sex of the baby. I wanted to have natural lighting. Initially I wanted a natural birth, but I thought maybe I’ll do some of the pain meds instead of the epidural. I didn’t want an episiotomy, but I did want massage and stretching so I didn’t have to be cut. I didn’t want an internal monitor on the baby. I wanted to be able to go to the bathroom on my own afterwards instead of being catheterized, if possible. My husband and I went through it and he gave me the 'you've got to be kidding me' look but said, "Whatever you want to do is fine with me." So, we took the plan in my OB/GYN. She said that she was happy to try to follow the plan, but that labor can be unpredictable, and I would have to go with the flow on the day of. I went home and thought long and hard about it. I thought ‘Do I want to be worrying about all these plans on the list while I'm in labor, or would it be easier to just throw it out the window and go with the flow?’ I decided to throw the birth plan out the window! I could hardly believe it myself. I am so glad that I did because, due to many circumstances, basically everything I said that I did or didn't want to have happen happened just the opposite. I think the only thing that went as planned was the Jack Johnson music I wanted playing (which I don't even remember). In a nutshell, the baby's heartbeat was irregular, so they had to do an internal monitor. Labor was progressing too slowly and they gave me a bit of pitocin and ended up breaking my water. Even though I didn't want an episiotomy the baby had her head sideways so they had to do one and use a vacuum to get her out. I try to tell my friends that you need to be realistic. No matter what, your husband probably can cut the umbilical cord. But as far as the medical things, you have to be open-minded.

  I Planned a Home Birth ... But I Had a C-Section

  Esther Brady Crawford, 26, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Son, Jude, is 1 year.

  I didn’t have any preconceived notions of what labor I wanted, but every pregnant person buys the books and rent the movies. I watched The Business of Being Born. It planted the seed of ‘Maybe I should consider a natural birth.’ We spent eight weeks attending Bradley Method classes, but I always felt if that didn’t work out it wasn’t going to be the end of the world. Everything changed after I went into labor. My midwife came over as planned after my water broke all over my accountants floor at 4 pm. By the middle of the night, I was in full labor, laboring in my bathtub as my husband and midwife napped. But at 6 the next morning, my midwife started to get concerned that I hadn't dilated any further. I was still at two centimeters and my son’s heart rate was dropping dangerously low. After two hours of trying a variety of positions, she decided we needed to go into the hospital. We still thought I’d end up with a natural vaginal birth, but she wanted the security of the heart monitor to watch my son. Unfortunately we just couldn't get him to bounce back, and, coupled with the fact that I couldn't seem to dilate, the midwife and my OB told me the bad news. My midwife said, "I think were going to have to start talking about the C word." Knowing how staunchly against c-sections she is, I figured it was medically necessary. At 11:30 a.m. my baby Jude was being pulled out of my belly, and while it wasn't the experience I wanted, I felt at peace with it because I had tried really hard to avoid it. With the help of my husband, [my son] was able to lie on my chest and start nursing while I was still in the recovery room — something that had been really important to me. I think so many women get stuck in the rut of whatever their friends or family members did, whatever that is, whether it’s scheduling a c-section or doing it all natural. For me it was so important to know the different possibilities, so if something happened I’d be emotionally prepared for it. Also, choosing a doctor was so important — someone who was going to support my decisions. When I went in for the c-section I didn’t have time to tell her breast-feeding was important to me. But she already knew that — and it made the potentially disappointed feelings go away because there were so many other things that went right.

  I Planned a Hospital Birth ... But I Delivered at Home

  Corina Kuban, 30, Vancouver, Canada. Daughter Anika is 5, son, Jonas, is 3, and daughter Mathea is 10 months.

  My firstborn was meant to be a hospital birth. At our prenatal classes they kept emphasizing that we not come to the hospital too soon, otherwise they'd just send us home. After labor began I called our doula and she suggested taking a bath and going to bed. If the labor was true, the pains would wake me up. I followed her advice and kept expecting things to get worse. It wasn’t until I had the strong urge to push that the doula suggested meeting her at the hospital. I tried to stand up but couldn't, so my husband called 911. The operator asked if it was our first, and when my husband told her that it was, she was pretty skeptical as to the severity of the situation but dispatched the fire department anyway. They came and assessed the situation and the paramedics were shortly behind. Our daughter was born within ten minutes of the paramedics arrival, on our bed, in the comfort of our own home. The paramedic who delivered her read the manual on the way over! I think it paved the perfect path for me having a home birth the next time around. It took the fear out of planning it because we had already one it without planning it. Our son was a planned home birth with two midwives present, and it went by the book. This was also the plan for our third child. However, after I began laboring around 5 a.m., we called our midwife to let her know that she should come over, but she was stuck at the hospital with another laboring mom and our choices were to either meet her there and deliver the baby in the hospital or to have her try to track down another midwife. We opted for the hospital option because even though the territory was unfamiliar the midwife would be someone we knew. We quickly made arrangements for our other two kids, threw together a hospital bag (which we thought would be unnecessary) and drove downtown, in the middle of rush hour, to have our youngest daughter. The contractions were about two minutes apart for the duration of the drive. When we arrived at the hospital my husband dropped me off at the ER and went to park the car. I’m pretty stoic when in labor, so the admissions staff didn't realize how imminently the birth could happen. They showed me the way to the maternity ward, and I walked that long walk by myself, the contractions becoming more intense from the walking. Needless to say, I was quite relieved to get settled in my room and began pushing within ten minutes. Our youngest was born minutes later and we were discharged in time to have breakfast at our favorite bagel shop on the way home! We’ve had to change our birth plans, but in hindsight I wouldn't have it any other way. It’s good preparation because parenthood is so unpredictable and you can only plan so much. As a parent you have to learn to go with the flow.

  I Planned a Natural Birth ... But Asked for an Epidural

  Jennifer Reich, 39, Hellertown, P.A. Son Tyler is 4, and son Austin is 3.

  I really wanted to have an unmedicated birth. I had talked with my midwives about it and was really mentally prepared. The hospital had two homey birthing rooms that were pretty removed from the rest of the labor-and-delivery area. My husband and I walked up and down a long, quiet, lowly lit hallway. I knew that when a contraction hit, I could walk down the hall and by the time I got to the end of the hall, the contraction would be over. I was in labor for around ten hours, pacing that hallway. After that, the labor was getting to be very painful; my midwife said I was very dilated but the baby was facing the wrong way. I didn't want to have any medication, but she strongly urged me to take a shot. I had a strange reaction to it — it didn't help the pain and it just made me feel "loopy," disoriented and out of it. So at my midwife's recommendation, I gave in and got an epidural. The epidural was great! I was able to fall asleep for a bit, and then when I woke up, it was time to push. The midwife helped me to time the pushing to work with the contractions — even though I couldn't feel the pain — and I didn't push for long. Looking back at it, labor was a comedy of errors. However, I don’t think I would do it differently if I could. Having the ten hours of labor was an amazing bonding experience with my husband, and I wanted to do that so desperately. With my second son, 21 months later, again I wanted to have an unmedicated birth. But this time I was delivering in a different hospital, with a different midwife and they wouldn't let me pace the halls. I felt so trapped in that tiny room, unable to move around, and the pain was unbearable. I remembered how that epidural had taken all of the pain away with my first baby. ‘Why am I torturing myself?’ I wondered. I couldn't come up with a good reason, so I asked for an epidural!

  I Planned an Epidural ... But Went au Naturale

  Berit Brogaard, 36, Saint Louis, Missouri. Daughter, Rebecca, is 6.

  I had planned a full epidural. They waited because it was a 34-hour labor, but eventually it got really intense. They attempted an epidural but couldn’t hit my spine as I couldn’t sit still. Suddenly I thought ‘Okay, women have been doing this for millions of years, and I can do it without one.’ I had a really good doula provided by the hospital. I used a lot of walking, baths, massage, a birthing ball and just pure strength. I pushed out my baby in 20 minutes because I went natural. I could move around whereas if I had had the epidural, I wouldn't have been able to move around right after. When my OB-Gyn had to stitch me up, I didn't feel a thing, because at that point the area was completely numb. I had heard all these horror stories about not getting epidural or how horrible it was. In my mind I was like ‘Yeah, put me out. I don’t want to experience this.’ But when this doctor came to give me the epidural it became very sterile — plus it didn’t work. By the next day, I had forgotten about the pain.

  Now tell us your story!

  Find More My Illegal Home Birth: Giving birth at home was weird 5 Totally Unrealistic Movie Birth Scenes Insufferable: Why do people talk about managing birth pain, not eliminating it? In Praise of the C-Section: I’m not sorry I didn’t have a natural birth.

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• Molly Ringwald — My Life as a Mom - The "Getting the Pretty Back" author disciplines other people’s kids.

  babble  »  celebrity  »  celebrity moms

  Spotlight

  Molly Ringwald — My Life as a Mom The Getting the Pretty Back author admits to disciplining other people’s kids. by Andrea Zimmerman
  

  You know Molly Ringwald as the freckled, angst-filled teenage star of the 80s. But with her just-released book, Getting the Pretty Back: Friendship, Family, and Finding the Perfect Lipstick, she’s here to tell you she’s so much more than that. She’s a wife, actress, writer, and, most importantly, mom (to daughter Mathilda, 6, and twins, Adele & Roman, 10 months) — a role she loves to talk about. We caught up with her to dish about the best parenting advice she’s ever received, playing the bad cop, and why she’s okay disciplining other people’s kids. — Andrea Zimmerman

  Your book is called Getting the Pretty Back, which is all about remembering the vivacious woman from our youths. How do you get the pretty back?

  I don't really love working out, [but] I stay consistent with it, because I know if my body’s in shape, my mind will be in better shape; the two go together. Being in the best shape possible is important. It's easy to let yourself go and say, "Oh, I don't have time to do this or that," but it’s important to make time for yourself. [Exercising] is always going to be inconvenient. I have three kids and a husband and we all have schedules, so it's never been easy to say, "Okay, I need an hour for myself." But it's really important to in order to recharge your batteries.

  You say that taking that hour or two away from your husband and kids has actually made you a better parent.

  I think so. We all want to be good parents, and it's easy to say, "I'm just going to live for them.” Yes, my kids are incredibly important, and, yes, my kids come first, but I know that as a parent I need to come to them with a fresh mind. I can't be too exhausted or too tired. And I am a better parent [after I take time off] — I have more energy, more fun.

  Can "keeping the pretty" apply to your relationship with your husband? How do you recover from marriage ruts?

  Marriage is a commitment, one of the strongest commitments you can make to a person. It's certainly not easy. The people who think you get married and live happily ever after and ride off into the sunset are people who have probably never been married. It is difficult, and when you throw kids in the mix, it's even more difficult. I think [my husband and I] have gone through a lot together, and we have a commitment to working on the relationship. The key is communication. It’s very important to remember that while you are a mother, that's not all you are.

  What’s your parenting style?

  I'm very honest with my kids, especially my six-year-old. I'm not honest to the point where I'm talking about things that she's too young for, but I've tried to figure out a way to talk to her about difficult subjects in ways she can understand. We had a conversation yesterday about why there was war. I related it to the playground.

  You talk about maintaining friendships with people that don't have children. Why is that so important to you?

  It's very easy to think that our way is the only way, and it's very easy to lose who you were before you had kids. It’s very important to remember that while you are a mother, that's not all you are. You’re still a woman. I feel like I'm a woman, a mother, a wife, an actress, a writer, all these different things. And seeing friends or people who don't have kids allows you to access that part of yourself. Also, I don't think your friends should be abandoned because of their choice to not have children, and they shouldn't have to lose their friends, either.

  Who’s the bad cop — you or your husband?

  I tend to be a little more of the disciplinarian. He's more of a softie. We're very different people, but I think he knows that what Mommy says is the way that it is; I don't back down.

  What’s your best childhood memory with your mom?

  Cooking. My mom was always in the kitchen. She was a stay-at-home mom until I left the nest, so she was there a lot when I was a kid. She was also the "room mother” for all our classes at school, and she always made these incredible cookies, which were always decorated and beautiful. I remember being so proud that my mom did that.

  Do you see similarities between your kids and yourself as a child?

  Yes! My daughter is very headstrong, especially with style and how she wants to do things. At one point she almost reduced me to tears because she wouldn't wear these expensive patent leather boots I bought her. She has a great sense of style, but it's different than what I would wear. One of the hardest things parents have to accept is that they have to let their children express themselves, to love them and allow them to be different.

  You tell a funny story in your book about disciplining a group of kids who were calling your daughter names. Would you mind another mom disciplining your kids?

  When I lived in France, I noticed every parent would reprimand other children just by saying, "Hey, that's inappropriate" or "Don't do that." And other parents would appreciate that. But in the United States, moms tend to say, "Hey, that's my kid, stay away." Personally, I wouldn’t mind if another parent reprimanded my child if my child was saying or doing something inappropriately, especially something dangerous. But it's about how it's done. If it's done respectfully and constructively, I have no problem. If another parent is saying something abusive to my kid, that's not okay.

  Find More 8 celeb moms who fixed their lives Melissa Etheridge: My kids are my biggest critics! 10 smartest celeb moms: Meryl, Jodie and 8 other savvy A-listers. 50 most loveable/loathable celeb moms

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• Banana Split Pancakes and More Tasty Treats for Kids - 3 great recipes.

  babble  »  food  »  cakes and baking

  Features Banana Split Pancakes and More Sticky, Chewy, Messy, Gooey, Treats for Kids 3 great recipes. By Jill O'Connor
  

  If you are going for the mother-of-the-year award, we highly recommend having this ridiculously seductive collection of sweet treat recipes in the kitchen library. All you have to do is ask the kids to flip through the pages, point to something they like (might be hard for them to narrow it down), and you will not believe the look of adoration on their faces when you agree to make it. Author Jill O'Connor, a seasoned food stylist from all the biggie magazines (House Beautiful, Food & Wine, Bon Appetit) knows how important it is to appeal to eyeballs first, stomachs second. Here are a few of the ones we liked best.

  Adapted from Sticky, Chewy, Messy, Gooey Treats for Kids by Jill O'Connor

  
  
  Banana Split Pancakes

  Sunday breakfast is a fun meal for kids to help prepare. The mood is bright and everyone is relaxed and ready to pitch in. These sweet, fragrant pancakes are a festive choice, piled high with fresh strawberries and sliced bananas and smothered in gooey, chocolaty Nutella or buttery brown sugar syrup. The kids can help mash the banana and measure out the simple ingredients for the batter before an adult cooks the pancakes on the hot griddle. Although perfect for a leisurely weekend breakfast, they really are a snap to prepare and (when all the planets are properly aligned) can even be whipped up on a weekday morning. Make sure your bananas are very ripe — really overripe — for the sweetest, most tender pancakes.

  Get Recipe »

  Quickberry! Quackberry! Blackberry-Apple Crumble

  There is nothing easier or more cozily down-home to serve after dinner than a homemade fruit crumble warm from the oven. It isn’t fussy or fancy, but this old-fashioned dessert will be welcome on any occasion. I love the sweet-tart combination of blackberries and apples. And the crumble — made with a healthful dose of oatmeal, a little whole wheat flour, and the crunch of raw sugar — makes for a buttery, sweetly nutty-tasting, crisp topping.
  
  Get Recipe »

  
  

  Glamorous Movie Star Marshmallows

  These eye-popping beauties just scream “I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille!” and like your favorite movie star, they are gorgeous and glamorous on the outside, and airy fluff (with no nutritional value) within. Homemade marshmallows are great fun to make, and a wonderful science project to discover what a little sugar, water, and gelatin can create. I like to make my marshmallows big and fat, just right for over-the-top embellishments. Dip or drizzle the marshmallows with melted, brightly colored confectionery coating, sprinkle with shimmering sanding sugar, coat them in jimmies and small candies, or give them funny faces by attaching googly eyes made from royal icing. You can even give your marshmallows the red-carpet treatment by brushing them with Luster Dust — beloved by cake decorators, luster dust is a glittering, shimmering powdered food coloring that comes in little pots like eye shadow. You can leave the marshmallows their natural creamy color, or tint them pale lavender, pink, green, turquoise, or yellow, before cutting them into squares and dolling them up. Decorating homemade marshmallows is a fun birthday party activity, and party guests can take home small cellophane bags of their miniature masterpieces as favors, and as an edible reminder of their artistic and creative skill.

  Get Recipe »

  
  

  Find More Perfect birthday cakes and frosting Best buttermilk pancakes 6 family baking treats

  
  

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• What Baby's Smiling Means and How It Affects Your Chemistry - New science on parent/child bonding.

  Feature

  What Baby's Smiling Means —
  And How It Affects Your Chemistry New science on parent/child bonding. By Heather Turgeon
  

  In last week's column, I talked about a study showing that symptoms of autism may not emerge as early as some had thought. One sign of the disorder's onset is that "social smiling" decreases, as toddlers become seemingly less interested and skilled at communicating. It turns out that social smiling tells us a lot about our infants' developing brains, and, what's stranger, when our little ones turn on the charm, it changes our body's chemistry as well.

  Two kinds of smiles

  Babies flash toothless grins from birth, but these smiles are random and spontaneous — triggered simply by neurons firing in the brain stem and unrelated to good moods. When babies doze off for naps, the smiles really come out; scientists think this is because the responsible motor cells nestle close to the region of the brainstem where REM sleep originates.

  This early mouth curling is like a fake smile — the kind you need for passport photos or when pretending you like the outfit your husband dressed your child in. A genuine smile of delight or amusement comes directly from the limbic system (the brain's emotional center) and it recruits eye muscles called the orbicularis oculi (squinting and raising up the cheeks). The catch is that you can't force these muscles to work — they are under involuntary control, so only a sincere feeling makes for a truly beaming face.

  Smiling is more than just a pleasant perk of being human; it has been shaped by evolution to keep us together. Between four and ten weeks of life, the limbic system and motor networks are sufficiently mature to make for baby's first emotional smile. Across all cultures, the social smile pops up at the same time. Even babies who are blind show us their grins of happiness on schedule; they just cue off of voices and touch rather than a familiar face.

  Smiling changes a parent's chemistry

  This is the first time that many parents feel the tugs of a real relationship with their baby — no longer just the one-way caretaking of the early months, but an actual back-and-forth interaction. Smiles are one of the building blocks of attachment and, in fact, some psychologists think that even older babies save the genuine signs of joy (eyes and cheeks included) for their parents — strangers are more likely to get a "fake" smile.

  I looked through our family videos for footage of my son's first months and, sure enough, there I was, putting on the classic newborn show. Hovering twelve inches from his face, I had the high-pitched silly voices and goofy looks going — I was working overtime to make him chuckle. And research suggests this might be because I am "addicted" to my son's smiles. When babies grin in amusement, reward centers in the parent's brain light up. These areas — specifically the substantia nigra, the striatum, and emotional networks in the frontal lobes — use the neurotransmitter dopamine, which gives us a boost in mood and leaves us wanting more.

  So smiling is more than just a pleasant perk of being human; it has been shaped by evolution to keep us together. Compared to other species, our infants are born very immature, needing especially devoted parents who are in it for the long haul. Bonding behaviors are programmed into our biology, and we instinctively know how to use them without much practice — like a dolphin swimming or a bird nesting. Truly loving smiles are unconscious and, with the help of some potent brain chemicals, they strengthen our relationships with our kids.

  Find More Baby Smiles: How Early Can You Detect Signs of Autism Newborn Developmental Milestones Ignore Development Charts — Unless your kid scores well!

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• Ten Things Adoptive Parents Shouldn’t Say - How to keep it all in the family.

  Feature

  Ten Things Adoptive Parents Shouldn’t Say How to keep it all in the family. by Tracy Hahn-Burkett
  

  Some few months ago, Babble presented my list of “Ten Things Not to Say to Adoptive Parents—Especially in Front of Their Kids.” But as an adoptive parent myself, I realize that there are plenty of things that we adoptive parents shouldn’t say—especially when our kids are around. Here are the ten biggies:

  
  

  “This is how Susie became available for adoption.” It seems harmless enough, and parents may worry that they’ll offend well-meaning friends and family who ask about the details of your child’s story. But these basic facts about your child’s origins ultimately belong to her. Deb Shrier, Social Worker and Post-Adoption Counselor at Massachusetts-based adoption agency Wide Horizons for Children, cautions against blurting out your child’s information. “You don’t need to explain your child or your family to anybody,” she says. Shrier adds that, depending on the age of your child, you can talk with her about what she wants you to tell others. Parents wondering how to respond to inquiries can fall back on a variety of responses, ranging from stating “We’re keeping that information private so that she can decide for herself what she wants to share when she is older,” to politely asking the questioner, “Why do you want to know?”

  “Don’t tell my kids, but [insert facts about your child’s origins here].” This seems like it should be obvious, but this was actually said to me and a group of other parents at a party! Beth Hall, Director of Pact, An Adoption Alliance and co-author of Inside Transracial Adoption, says that parents need to “protect their children’s privacy and make sure that the child is the first person hearing [his story], not the person down the street.” If you need to talk to someone about these details, find someone else — perhaps a social worker or other adoption professional.

  “Race doesn’t matter. When we look at Kyle, we just see our son; we don’t see White/Black/Hispanic/Asian.” Of course you look at Kyle and see your son and all of the wonderful, frustrating and unique qualities that make him the individual that he is. But you have to consider the fact that the rest of the world will see his race and that it will affect him in profound ways someone of another race probably can't anticipate. Shrier also reminds adoptive parents that bringing a child of another race into one’s family changes the whole family. “You’re a multicultural, multiracial family. That’s how you look at the world, and that’s how the world looks at you.”

  “We’re Americans. Jenna may have been born in China, but she’s American now, and that’s good enough for us. We don’t really worry about all of that cultural stuff.” Shrier says: “This may not be of interest to you, but it’s going to be of interest to your child. It may be a big interest, it may be a passing interest, but it’s part of who your child is.” Your child needs to know that all parts of who she is are valuable to you and that she is welcome to explore her birth culture as much as any other facet of her identity. And one of the best ways you can show her that you value her birth culture is by finding ways to welcome it into your family and into your home.

  “We used to celebrate our Irish background before the kids came along, but now we feel like we really have to focus on Ethiopia.” On the other hand, don’t delve so deep into your child’s culture that you lose sight of the things that were important to you before. If you're Irish and you adopt an Ethiopian child, dine on Ethiopian cuisine, but keep the corned beef and cabbage, too. If it's the reverse, do the reverse. As Shrier recommends, “Focus on the whole family and what everyone brings to it. [Either way]; you’re an Irish and Ethiopian family now.”

  Negative comments about your child’s birth family. You may view these aspersions as being completely separate from your child, but your child’s birth family is part of who he or she is, and children are likely to interpret these comments as being about them. Hall says, “Children are concrete thinkers. . . . If you say something about their birthparents, you may as well have inserted their name.”

  Invented facts about your child’s birth family. Sometimes our kids’ stories include difficult facts, and sometimes, regardless of the facts, we just don’t know how to respond to people who insist on extracting private information. In either case, refer back to point number one and know that your child’s story is no one else’s business. Remember, too, that any information you put out there may well get back to your child one day, and you don’t want to find yourself in the position of needing to rebuild her trust when she discovers that the stories you’ve been telling are fiction.

  “Asians are good at music, so we weren’t surprised when Jin’s violin teacher told us he could be a real prodigy.” Positive stereotyping is still stereotyping, and it can place an enormous burden on children. Kids don’t need this additional pressure, says Shrier, and this, too, is a form of racism. “It’s not really looking at who they are. It’s looking at the person’s race, and that’s it.”

  Disparaging comments about your child’s race or any other race. This should be a no-brainer, but it happens more than you might think. If you're white and your child is Hispanic, Asian, Black, Native American or of mixed heritage, remember that you are the parent of a child of color. Shrier asks parents who forget this fact to consider how they would feel if that same comment “was directed at your family.”

  “This is my adopted daughter, Grace.” As Shrier points out, would you ever say “This is my daughter through a c-section”?

  
  

  This list may seem like a lot to worry about, but it’s all part of the package of adoptive parenting. We adoptive parents can avoid most of these scenarios by keeping our children’s perspectives in mind and remembering one simple fact: one way or another, whatever we say (and to whomever) is likely to make it back to our children.

  Both Shrier and Hall stress the need for parents to model behavior for their children. An adoptive parent herself, Hall advises that when we speak to others, “We’re building a toolkit for our child.” Our children will face questions and assumptions throughout their lives, and as their parents, it’s our job to make sure they are equipped to handle those situations on their own.

  Come to think of it, that’s the very definition of parenting.

  Find More 10 Things Not to Say to Adoptive Parents What Pax Jolie-Pitt is in for, if my adoption is any indication. Infant Industry: Jane Aronson, the Orphan Doctor Cribsheet: Adoption 95% of adopted children want to be found by their birth parents.

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• How To Decorate With Kids - Tips from 9 by Design’s Courtney and Bob Novogratz.

  babble  »  celebrity  »  celebrity style

  Spotlight

  How To Decorate With Kids Tips from 9 by Design’s Courtney and Bob Novogratz. by Andrea Zimmerman
  

  In their new series, 9 by Design (which premiered April 13th on Bravo), NYC husband and wife team Bob & Courtney Novogratz oversee a booming design company — oh, and raise 7 kids all under one roof. Needless to say, they know a few things about staying organized. We hit up the artsy pair for their best tips on de-cluttering, designing with kids in mind, and their love of all things IKEA. — Andrea Zimmerman

  What’s your best organizational tip for families?

  Keep it simple. When new toys come in, old ones go out.

  How do you stay organized with 7 kids?

  We struggle like everyone else. Our older kids have their own desks, so they’re able to do their homework a little more easily, but it’s a battle. I’d like to say that every morning my kids make their beds, [but that’s simply not true.] However, we do have a system: everyone knows where the laundry goes, although I have one or two kids who like to pick their stuff up and throw it on the floor. As far as dinnertime, whoever sets the table doesn’t necessarily have to clean up, and we alternate.

  How do you mesh your personal style with your children’s taste?

  We compromise. [For their bedroom], our daughters wanted blue, but I wanted pink throw pillows and a pink chandelier. It was hard for me to say, “Okay, you can have the blue,” but at the same time, we didn’t want to spend money on everything blue, so they picked one or two blue throw blankets for the end of their beds. There are no rules. If you take risks, you’ll usually end up with a great house that’s an expression of [everyone].

  What family design pieces never go out of style?

  I love IKEA desks right now; they’re very modern, sleek, and have drawers. IKEA also makes great bookshelves! You can put them in a child’s room, or in the living room — horizontally or vertically.

  What’s an overrated design piece? Keep it simple. When new toys come in, old ones go out.

  Cribs are always overrated. It’s tricky because they’ve changed the style where it’s not just cherry pinewood, which is great, but they’re also expensive, which doesn’t make sense because you don’t use them for all that long. We like IKEA cribs — the price ranges are great — but I haven’t found the best one yet!

  How do you blend low-end pieces with more expensive ones?

  My kids have twin trundle IKEA beds, but everything in their room isn’t IKEA. That’s what's important — to mix super high-end things with super low-end things, and that’s the beauty of it. You’d be surprised — there are some great values out there! But you can’t do a whole house or apartment entirely in high-end or low-end.

  Are there any pieces that should absolutely not be compromised?

  High-end dishes. I don’t wait to pull out the fine china; I try to use my Thanksgiving dishes every day. I think people should enjoy all the things they own.

  What’s off-limits in your house?

  With seven kids, nothing is off limits! I grew up in a home where you couldn’t go into the living room, so we try to live very casually. Our kitchen table is indestructible. We used to have a gorgeous old farm table, but we switched to a modern table that’s industrial. The kids know that if they spill or get crayon on it, it’s okay. I prefer to go with white sheets and white slipcovers, because I can throw them in the washing machine with a little bleach. We’re relaxed people, but strict. We discipline our kids when we have to. Our real goal is to keep them humble; we don’t spoil them in the least. That being said, we’re relaxed people. You can’t stress over the little things with seven children; you have to be practical — but we still pull out our nice dishes.

  Do your kids have chores?

  They do. I’m the first to admit that some take it more seriously than others. The older kids do laundry, fold towels and set the table. They’re not vacuuming yet, but with every new house we move into, they have to get the sheets on the beds, get things laid out and put things away. We try to quickly move in and live as if we’ve been there forever. We work hard so we can play hard.

  How should parents who love design get their kids involved?

  Take them to flea markets and galleries! No matter what country we’re in, our kids want to go to local markets. They’ve started collecting things, too.

  What’s the neatest thing you’ve found at a flea market?

  Two old street coach lights from France. They’ve been in three different rooms; we’ll never sell them.

  
  

  Bob & Courtney’s tips for balancing child-friendly yet still modern and stylish design:

  Keep an open floor plan and avoid clutter. Leave a space for the kids to run around and play, and aesthetically, it’s more pleasing to adults when there is a spacious feel, not to mention that your environment will look a lot bigger when it’s clutter-free. Use art in your projects as a major focal point, but make sure it’s protected from small hands. Never have sharpies in the house (we learned the hard way!), and protect art with plexiglass. Keep items that you want your kids to have access to low to the ground so they can reach them without help from a grown-up. From toys to a selection of dishes and clothes, so they can help set the table and get themselves dressed.

  Bob & Courtney’s tips for a stress-free and successful move:

  Don’t start packing too far ahead because you’ll end up living in chaos for a longer period of time. Do it as close to moving day as you can without over-stressing. Choose one suitcase to hold everybody’s most important clothing, must-have things, and favorite outfits because it might take you a while to get settled and unpacked and find what you are looking for. This cuts down on an amazing amount of frustration. Before a move, spend time collecting boxes from the local grocery and liquor stores (they always have extra boxes!). And don’t throw newspapers out; save them to use as wrapping for all your breakables. This seems so simple, but so many people forget to do this: Mark each box clearly (in nice big letters) with what’s in the boxes so there’s no confusion as to what room everything belongs in once you start to unpack. Use moving as an opportunity to get rid of clutter and things you don’t really need or want. This is a great time to donate those items or give them to friends/family who can make good use of them. Rent a truck and enlist people to help you move. Your friends are no more likely to break things than the movers and they cost a lot less! If you have toddlers, pack while they’re asleep at night. Otherwise, you might find that they’re busy unpacking your boxes as you’re packing them! If this isn’t an option, let them have their own empty box to play with, and hopefully that will distract them long enough to get your boxes packed. Moving should be a fun experience, a new adventure for the whole family. Don’t dread it. Be excited, and the kids will feel the same way.
  

  Find More Kristin Armstong’s no-fail tantrum Solution and life after Lance. Tori Spelling: The misunderstood mom reveals all (and Dean chimes in!) Trista Sutter: The Bachelorette on life with Ryan and her stance on reality shows Lori Loughlin’s real full house

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• Baby Sleep Training Re-examined - Does the cry-it-out method harm kids?

  Feature

  Baby Sleep Training Re-examined Does the cry-it-out method harm kids? by Heather Turgeon
  

  Editors' Note: The debate over sleep training is making headlines again. In her new book First Year Essentials: What Babies Need Parents to Know, British parenting expert Penelope Leach claims that “crying it out" mentally damages babies. According to Leach, extensive crying can raise stress hormones like cortisol to the point where they are toxic to the developing brain.

  To date, however, cortisol levels have only been shown to be damaging in cases of chronic stress due to abuse or exposure to violence — not isolated incidents as would be the case with crying it out.

  To give you the full scientific picture, we're re-running this recent Science of Kids column. In the meantime, another study is in the works (according to this article), indicating that "controlled" crying it out is not damaging. Unfortunately, the article doesn't specify how long the "controlled" crying bouts were allowed to go. The argument will rage on.

  Ignoring baby cries during sleep training is linked to all kinds of problems later in life — ADHD, antisocial behavior, lower IQ. At the root of these claims is the idea that the stress of crying and the absence of a responsive parent release intense levels of chemicals that alter a child's brain development. But is there scientific evidence to back this up?

  It needs to be said from the outset that this is not a pro- or anti-cry it out article. How you approach sleep is as personal and complex as any aspect of parenting. And, rightly so, many moms and dads use their instinct as their guide. The intent of this article is to examine the evidence that distinct periods of children crying themselves to sleep causes long-term brain damage — a very serious claim that should not be tossed around lightly. Amid the intensity of the debate, it's often hard to see the science through all the emotion.

  The work of big name researchers and clinicians comes hand-in-hand with the anti-cry it out stance. For example, UCLA researcher Dr. Allan Schore is often cited as showing that stress hormones like cortisol, released during intense crying, damage nerve cells in the brain, leading to unhealthy attachments and psychological disorders. He demonstrates that a repeated pattern of unmet needs disrupts a child's stress-regulating systems and can alter the way her limbic structures process emotion.

  U.S. parents emphasize independence, while mommies from other cultures co-sleep and respond faster to their little ones.But Schore's research is actually about how trauma, chronic neglect, or abuse affects a small person. No doubt, if ignoring distress were your every day parenting philosophy this would apply, but sleep training against the background of caring, responsive parenting, does not. In fact, this is the case with a lot of sources opposing the cry it out method — the claims of brain, personality, and attachment damage come from research conducted with grossly neglected children (some studies use data from Child Protective Services cases) not healthy children with loving parents who let them cry for an isolated timeframe. It's worth noting that if it's crying we're worried about, the overall amount of crying involved in a well thought-out sleep-training program can be less than the sobs that many parents have reported when they go with a "no-cry" solution.

  Another well-respected source that makes the rounds on the Internet is a list of studies put together by Dr. Sears that conclude crying it out is dangerous. There are too many to explain each here, but for example, one states that infants who cry excessively have a higher incidence of ADHD, antisocial behavior, and poor school performance. When you look at the original study, though, the crying clearly has nothing to do with sleep training. The study shows that extra fussiness and subsequent crying (regardless of what parents do in response) might be a symptom of an underlying problem that could come up later in life. Sears quoted another study as showing that crying early on makes a child fussy and emotionally unbalanced. Again, the actual study says that babies who already cry a lot might be showing early signs that they are slower to develop emotional control. None of the Sears studies listed shows negative consequences as a result of a structured sleep training program.

  A Harvard study often surfaces in this debate to show that CIO is bad for baby. This is not actually an original research paper, but an opinion paper based mostly on anthropological studies of parenting practices. It describes how U.S. parents emphasize independence, while mommies from other cultures co-sleep and respond faster to their little ones. It does not have any data about sleep training.

  Letting a baby cry while she learns how to fall asleep is not for everyone. You may have a philosophical issue with it, you may think it's not the right fit for your child, or maybe it just plain feels wrong to you as a parent. If this is the case, follow your gut and find your own path to restful nights.

  But when science is used as a platform for criticizing sleep training -- citing the names of brain regions and neurochemicals -- it's misleading at best, and frankly feels like fear-mongering at worst. There will always be heated debate around this issue, which I think is healthy in some respects – we should be able to vet out and discuss our parenting dilemmas with each other. But remember we're talking about opinion and personal choice. Until there is more substance on this issue, let's leave science out of it.

  Find More The Babble Sleep Guide: Your toolkit for getting your baby — and yourself! — a good night's rest. Train Wreck: Night after night, I listened to my son wail and the Sleep Lady scold me. The Sleepless Generation: The unhappy results of the war on sleep-training. The Country That Never Sleeps: Life in Israel gave me a new appreciation for sleep training. My Date with Dr. Ferber: An excerpt from Afterbirth. Dr. Marc Weissbluth: The Healthy Sleep Habits author takes on parent misinformation.

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  ©2010 Babble

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• How to Parent by Community - It takes a village, but you can form one.

  Feature

  How to Parent by Community It takes a village, but you can form one. by Bruce Feiler
  

  It was the most desperate week of my life. It gave birth to the most hopeful idea I’ve ever had.

  In July 2008, I learned that I had a seven-inch cancerous tumor in my left femur. I instantly worried about my three-year-old twin daughters and what life might be like for them. Three days later, I awoke with an idea of how I might give them my voice. I would reach out to six men from all parts of my life and ask them to form a “Council of Dads.”

  My initial instinct was not to tell my wife, Linda. We should focus on the positive. We should live in the moment.

  But I quickly lost my resolve. Linda cried at first, but as soon as we began discussing who should be in my Council, she started rejecting my nominees. “I love him,” she would say, “but he doesn’t represent you.” Of another she said, “I would never ask him for advice.” Starting a council was a very efficient way of finding out what my wife really thought of my friends!

  We needed a set of guidelines.

  First, no family members. We figured my family would already have relationships with the girls. Plus, as Linda pointed out, your friends know you differently from your family.

  Second, men only. Many of my close friends are women, but with their mom still around, we sought to fill the dad space in our girls’ lives.

  Third, intimacy over longevity. We thought some more recent friendships might better capture the father I wanted to be.

  Finally, a dad for every side. We looked for men who might capture different aspects of my personality.

  We ultimately settled on six men, from my oldest buddy to my newest pal. I asked each of them to teach a different lesson to my girls — how to live, how to travel, how to think, how to dream.
  Read Bruce's cry for help from his Council of Dads.

  I then asked each for a single piece of advice to convey to my daughters. Their answers ranged from the best way to take a trip — “Be a traveler, not a tourist” — to the best way to make your dreams come true — “Don’t see the wall.” One advised them not merely to seek the answers but to “live the questions.” Another counseled that even when they experience pain they should still “harvest the miracles” around them.

  These answers were intended for my girls, but they’ve already made me a better dad and friend.

  And therein has proven the magic of The Council of Dads. We did it for our girls, but it has transformed us. The experience helped build a bridge between our friends and our kids. It created an entirely new community in our lives. It reminded us of the power of friendship.

  Recently, on my girls’ fifth birthday, the Council of Dads convened for the first time. They argued about politics, parenting, and height. They complained about the weather, one another, me. In short, they were men! (My wife said she had wondered for two years what they would talk about. The answer: sports cars!)

  But our girls didn’t care. They were delighted as they moved from dad to dad, reveling in the private bond they share with each one. Our girls don’t understand the shadow that hangs over the idea. All they know is that these men are not just Daddy’s friends.

  They are their friends.

  That night, we went around the room and each man spoke of how the experience had changed him. One felt the Council helped replace the voice of his own father. Another took the advice he gave our girls and changed how he parents. The last person to speak was my confidant. He calls himself The Contrarian.

  “When I first heard the idea of the Council, I rejected it,” he said. “You would triumph over your illness. We wouldn’t need to exist. Today I realized I was wrong. Whether we’re healthy or sick, male or female, we all need to be reminded of what’s most valuable in our lives. We all need to be surrounded by the people we love. And seeing the looks on the girls’ faces today, I now know we all need our own Council.”

  Bruce Feiler is the New York Times-bestselling author of Walking the Bible and America’s Prophet. His new book is called The Council of Dads: My Daughters, My Illness, and the Men Who Could Be Me.

  To watch a video of the first-ever meeting of The Council of Dads, and to download tips for starting your own Council, please visit www.councilofdads.com.

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  Find More Will You Be a Dad to My Daughters? A father with cancer reaches out. I'm the daredevil dad that terrifies you I had my 1st child at 18, my 2nd at 38: What's the right time to become a mom?

  ©2010 Babble

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• Will You Be a Dad to My Daughters? - A father with cancer reaches out.

  Feature

  Will You Be a Dad to My Daughters? A father with cancer reaches out. by Bruce Feiler
  

  Dear — ,

  As you know, I have learned that I have a seven-inch cancerous tumor in my left femur. The afternoon I first heard the diagnosis I was standing on York Avenue in Manhattan. I sat on a stoop, telephoned Linda, called my parents, and wept. I went to get some crutches, stumbled home, lay down on my bed, and stared at the sky for several hours imagining all the ways my life would change.

  Then Eden and Tybee came in, running and giggling and looking in the mirror. They began to do this dance they made up when they turned three a few months ago. Mixing ring-around-the-rosy, ballet, and the hokey pokey, they twirled frantically in a circle, going faster and faster until they tumbled onto the ground, laughing with all the glee in the world. As I watched them, I couldn’t control myself. I crumbled. I kept imagining all the walks I might not take with them, the ballet recitals I might not see, the art projects I might not mess up, the boyfriends I might not scowl at, the aisles I might not walk down.

  The next few days were a tangle of tears and latenight conversations, doctor consultations, insurance negotiations, determination, hopes, and fears. I quickly determined I was looking at one of three options: the lost year, the lost limb, or the lost life.

  Through it all, I kept thinking I would be fine. Whatever happens, I have lived a full life. I have traveled the world. I have written ten books. I am at peace.

  I also thought Linda would be fine. She would experience a lot of pain and inconvenience, but in the end she would find a way to live a life of passion and joy.
  Read Bruce's advice on how to set up a parent community.

  But I kept coming back to Eden and Tybee and how difficult life might be for them. Would they wonder who I was? Would they wonder what I thought? Would they yearn for my approval, my discipline, my love?

  My voice.

  A few days later, I woke up suddenly before dawn and thought of a way I might help re-create my voice for them. I started making a list of six men — from all parts of my life, beginning with when I was a child and stretching through today. These are the men who know me best. The men who share my values. The men who helped shape and guide me. The men who traveled with me, studied with me, have been through pain and happiness with me.

  Men who know my voice.

  That morning I began composing this letter.

  I believe my daughters will have plenty of resources in their lives. They’ll have loving families. They’ll have welcoming homes. They’ll have each other. But they may not have me. They may not have their dad.
  Will you help be their dad?

  Will you listen in on them? Will you answer their questions? Will you take them out to lunch every now and then? Will you go to a soccer game if you’re in town? Will you watch their ballet moves for the umpteenth time? When they get older, will you indulge them in a new pair of shoes? Or buy them a new cell phone, or some other gadget I can’t even imagine right now? Will you give them advice? Will you be tough as I would be? Will you help them out in a crisis? And as time passes, will you invite them to a family gathering on occasion? Will you introduce them to somebody who might help one of their dreams come true? Will you tell them what I would be thinking? Will you tell them how proud I would be?

  Will you be my voice?

  And as I lay on my bed that morning, hoping I didn’t wake Linda as I shook with tears, I said to myself that I would call this group of men “The Council of Dads.”

  The Council of Dads. Six men. All very busy and burdened with their own challenges, but together, collectively, they might help father my potentially fatherless daughters.

  Naturally I hope that I will fully recover from my illness and that we will all be able to enjoy many family occasions together in the future. But I would like my Council to continue no matter the outcome. I would like my daughters to know the world through all of you. I would like Tybee and Eden to know me through this group.

  I would like them to know themselves through their Council of Dads.

  I understand this request might come as something of a burden. It is not intended to be an overwhelming commitment of time, resources, or emotion. A few words, a few gestures, an open door, a welcome embrace every now and then will ensure that your presence will be a constant guide in the girls’ lives.

  Your voice will merge with mine.

  Even though it has been painful to write — and to contemplate — this unexpected idea at this moment in our lives has brought great strength and comfort to Linda and me. We are pleased to know that our girls will learn from you some of the valuable lessons you have taught me over the years. We are thrilled that we all have an excuse to keep more closely in touch in the seasons to come. And we are honored to add your fatherly counsel into the heart of our family.

  And above all, we know that this assembly of surrogate dads can, if needed, be me.

  Love,

  Bruce

   

  An excerpt from The Council of Dads. Reprinted by permission.

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  Find More How to Parent by Community: It takes a village, but you can form one. I'm the daredevil dad that terrifies you. I had my 1st child at 18, my 2nd at 38: What's the right time to become a mom? Single, broke, and pregnant, I moved back home at 37.

  ©2010 Babble

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